Time and again I listen to myself scream and shout of how far I don’t give a damn, how much I don’t care and how I will do this and that regardless of what people will think or say. Its a lie. I am one person who cares much about what I do. Yeah, I care because I know I have a reputation to protect, I care because I have a sober mind that knows what it wants. I care because my daddy says a good name is better than riches. I care what I do or say for a million other reasons that I may not exhaust here.
As much am trying to avoid what motivated this post but seems I can’t. My life seems to be taking another turn. Probably not as concerns what just crossed your mind. Well, am beginning to fall in love with politics. And here I just said out; loud and clear. For the few years I have lived I had blocked my heart, mind and soul from ever involving them in politics. To me, it was a bad idea to even think of politics, leave alone “wasting” my precious time in the long queues in the name of voting. Evident to this are the many years I was by passed by the voting process back in Moi. I always dismissed anyone who ever tried suggesting to me that voting was a right I was denying myself. I didn’t care anyway.
And now here I am. For the past two months I have had a series of dreams about politics. It freaks me a lot but I have to think further. In a dream I saw myself in a podium, addressing a multitude of people about a politician who purportedly was my husband. I did not go back to sleep again. I was scared. I was shaking. This scared the hell out of me, I could not and still do not understand how this can be possible. I have no record of loving politicians. So the not caring Lilian decides its just a dream and moves on.
Two days later the state worsened and I thought I could not take it in anymore. Now it was I being introduced before a multitude of men and women. It was not so clear to me where, why and when but all I know is I was the center of focus for some politics I am yet to understand. I literally laughed at myself when I woke up. I felt stupid, confused and what have you. I still did not care; it was just a dream anyway.
“Princess Lilian Bonareri Yesterday Strategic planning for project 2017 — feeling wonderful.” Seated at home all alone, this is all I had in my mind to offer the thousands of people who get to see my facebook updates yesterday. How I got to this is still a mystery to me. I had even forgotten about it until a friend posted some comment over the same. I didn’t know what to say back. Of course the spirit is within so I had to argue myself away from politics “……….so many other things to think about besides politics.” I knew I was not being true to myself.
For a better part of today I spent time thinking of these dreams. I even remember quoting to a friend that I don’t wanna be associated with politics then I start minding how I walk, where and with who. She told me I was being stupid and I chose to ignore her. Seems like politics is coming my way and I may not manage avoiding this. Good. I accept and move on. So, from now henceforth I rather start caring about so much.
After giving it much thought and Google time, I decided I am fit to do politics. Though I am not fully convinced about this, at least am sure I can stomach any association with politics; something I could not do a day ago. So, whether I as an individual, politics in the form of a husband, mother, brother or child, I know I can handle it.
I will care whom I talk to and about what. I will watch my words within and without my house. I will care what I look at and how I do so. I will care what i put on to where and with whom. I will care how I treat strangers and old folks. I will care how many people I greet in a day and how I do it. I MUST care how good I am in my native language. I have started caring about my ability to do politics. I will always care who I am and who people say I am. I will care about my people. I will care about my politician.
So the next time you see me on a truck; just let me be. With love, Ms/Mrs Politician