It had never occurred to me before that the struggle towards equality between men and women had reached an almost uncontrollable stage. This remained true until recently when I was directly involved in settling down a family issue that to me was a bit weird. It took me so much time to understand why the mother of the house could refuse to carry out her chores as a woman, on grounds that she too had just checked in from work and was equally tired as the husband. She then decided on having a nap on the couch, which she repeatedly reminded her husband she had bought with her own money, probably expecting him to do the evening duties. I happened to pass by their place to check on them, not knowing I could be dragged into their domestic issues that were almost tumbling down their home.
Negotiating between couples over equality issues has seemed a hard task for me. To begin with, I did not understand my role in this negotiation. I did all I could to avoid taking sides in a bid to balance between the two and try get them out of this problem. I struggled through the truths and realities, at least to ensure that peace was achieved between them. I acted fully as a counselor and took all my time to listen from both sides then try my way out of the fix. I thought it over and over again; the effects my advice and decision could cause on the lives of these two people. A people I had known to have been so much in love and in agreement before there was a drastic turn in their lives and worst to say towards much negativity. I had to be brave and wise, I needed to play my cards well and get them out of such an ordeal. I could read between their words and in their eyes that they needed help so much. They seemed so tired and fed up of this fight for equality but could not find a way out.
I considered some time to make some reflection on my life as a person. I was not any better as compared to the woman that was involved in this situation. I had my own ideologies on what good life was and for a moment I took time to reflect on my past life, how much I hated being a slave of a relationship and being intimidated by men. People say I do feel so good of myself; I may neither quantify nor disqualify such a belief as truthful, but all I know I rarely do give up on the race and chase after happiness.
I cannot set it as a one pack, for reasons known to us all, it’s really a long process. I too desired it could never take too long to get, or rather achieve, but it has never been within my powers to decide. I know am this kind of a girl who sets her eyes on something and never rests until she gets it, but as long as what the subject here is worth the pain, struggle, and most importantly the time. I had set my whole self towards gaining happiness, what I desired most was the peace of mind that I was so assured could come with it. However, I went wrong in some way, and I know this I did but giving in to the facts has proved even harder than the main mission itself.
I am an injured party of these circumstances as I can put it, I say this bitterly because I never thought in life I could be befallen by such a tragedy.
I knew not how much good it could have done me if I ever thought of getting myself a confidant, I imagined of the betrayal I had experienced at the time I lost my first love and decided I was going to go it alone, the entire process, the pain and the hardships I went through, the many sleepless nights I went through, the precious tears I lost, the many days I had to spend in those hospital beds, the self I had to painlessly lose, I had to do it alone, in pursuit of happiness. I say this with pain, but at least not as much as could have been caused by the people I could have possibly chosen to trust. I rather had pain that came from me, than from the people I could have set my heart to love again, I rather had sorrow deep within me, but at least I could not lay blames again, I hated and still do hate this, I love it when the pain I have to endure through is self-made, I think am this kind of a person that wants to be unique and there can be only me existing, a life without so many attachments to so many hearts, a life of sole and self-governance, the life I always wanted to have.
This post was written in 2012. A time I was a freelancer writer. It’s probably marked as a term paper somewhere, yeah right, I just took the first two pages. I will bring it here in bits. For the next few days. It was a 15 page paper. Enjoy!