I am not sure if i am supposed to be writing this, nor am I sure of the title, but I will go ahead and write. I know how hard it is when a girl says no, especially when the other party was so serious about it. Some say it lowers the super ego, some say they never care, but the true ones say “I will be back again”. This makes me thank God so much for having created me a woman, I wonder if after the first rejection I could have even thought of trying another soul. Yes you may say it’s pretty easy, but I tend to think of the men who move from one girl to another as just players in the making. though, I am not telling men to stop at the first attempt. Crucify me not for this, it’s just an opinion. Anyway…
I choose to call you this, just as a deliberate measure to let you know what my heart always feels for you. It’s true I love you, it’s true I always want to hang around you. For the many years I have known you, you have been the best company I have ever lived to experience. Sometimes I even ask myself why I never met you earlier than I did. I do enjoy the small heaven you have always created around me, I feel so secure in your company, I don’t mind you teasing me, at times you do so much to me that I can only cry, too bad I can only see a brother in you.
I know this is so selfish of me, I know you don’t deserve such a treatment, at least not you. My friends condemn me over this, everyone thinks you are the one for me. I personally dream of being with you the rest of my life. I am sure it will be so much fun, this I am convinced of. I know you can make the best a woman could ever want in life,. Some girls even wish you noticed them, you stand out so unique and so special, but still I can only see a brother in you.
I remember the one time I was almost giving in. The time I had purposed to ignore my heart. I thought I could teach myself to love and cherish you as a special friend. I thought I could stir up something between us, just to make sure you were happy. I did try, I constantly ignored my heart, I sacrificed my happiness for you, I acted stupid and naive, I had decided I was going to give back the love I knew you so deserved, but it didn’t last a night, the pain overwhelmed the “faked” love and smile, I knew I was doing you so much injustice. I clearly remember the grin on your face when I told you it was over again, I gave it a less than 24 hours chance, I hated myself for having acted stupid, I saw you cry and hurt for a long period, the period I suffered neglect and rejection from you. You walked away from me, you thought I was worse than the devil, you never wanted to see me again. It hurt me most and I decided I will forever see you as a brother.
You have always tried to make me feel bad of the decisions I made. Each time you make implications of being in a happy relationship (sometimes imaginary), I won’t blame you, I know how it feels. I made up my mind on that fateful night, the night I always remember so clearly, the night I cried out all the “funny” feelings I had attempted to build for you. I decided I will never do it again, I decided I will never make an instance of the experience I went through, that bitter time when I wished to see you but you were never there, that time when the whole small world that revolves around me knew my heart was so hurting. You taught me never to be so much close with you, you created a big unsealed bridge between us, you were so rare to me, and you made me learn to take you as that brother I will eventually leave for my lifetime partner.
Now, dear brother, I am writing this to give you an assurance. A little understanding of what my little heart feels for you. I could have chosen to hate you and forget about you, maybe I could not be talking with you by now (just like many others do), maybe I could be all over showing you the person that took the place in my life that you had dedicated to fight for. None of these will I do. I have made up my mind, I have dedicated my life, I have offered my life, my heart and soul. I will be that sister you never lived to have. I will be there as a shoulder for you to lean on. I will give my ear to your words. I will always be there for you. But I can only see a brother in you.