I am someone’s child, born of a woman. Like any other person I breastfed. I was not born an adult; I was a child, way back when I didn’t even know who I really was. Then when not most people could tell if I was a he or a she; kids look alike despite gender. I once never used to reason or think before doing something. I did all the dirty things kids do; I ate all the bad things a kid eats. Like any other mother my mummy had to teach me what to eat and what not to, what to say and what not to. She had to teach me how to say words, how to make steps and how to behave when visitors are around. I went through the child development stages, I experienced maturity gradually; I am only human.
Human beings don’t do everything to perfection. Right, no human being is good enough to do all things. I sing well; I have a good voice that sings anything that is a song but I am not a good story teller. I don’t know how to do straight talks, I don’t know how to explain occurrences but I will give it a try today.
It was a chilly morning and as usual I woke up and left for work. Yes, I said I left home for work. Things were not so good; at least the mood could tell. I am one person who has learnt to smile at anything, though the hard way. All was well until something happened and I could not contain my anger. Of course I do not get angry at anything, not even a rumor going round that Lilian did this and that at such and such a time. Human beings are meant to do things and that is what I am. It bothers me the least.
The strong I received some unpleasing news at almost the close of the day after having had quite a busy day. Bad news is bad no matter who delivers it and how it is done; but I wish the informant did it in another way. Maybe I could have not brushed shoulders with the people I had to deal with at that moment. Maybe I could have not remembered a story I read 10 years ago. Yeah, my mind took me ten years back when I was half a child and half an adult. Then when nothing mattered to me but the books I had to read and the strokes I had to receive just because I could not tell revolution and rotation apart. Am not sure I currently do.
I once read a story in The Winner and other Stories which I often than not find myself quoting when I feel injustice around me. “Do You Know Anybody?” The deep and intelligent interpretation and analysis a one Mr. Soku gave this story, then as my English teacher is still so fresh in my mind. Despite the many theories I have had to memorize and the many things I have had to think about, I cannot dare forget what this story entailed. All summed up in the title “Do You Know Anybody?”
On this fateful day I had to ask myself if I really knew anybody. I was and am still not sure if I really do, but my heart tells me I need not know anybody to get where I want to. At that point in time I knew my sister. Yes, she is the only person around me I seemed to know. Of course all faces looked familiar and all voices were conversant to my ears. But still I only knew one person, not anybody but somebody. She held my hand and walked me home. She talked to me in such a way that I felt I really knew her. I needed to know somebody at this point in time.
I am only human. I love. I hate. I like. I dislike. I sing, shout, scream, pray, play, laugh and cry. I scream and shout when anger overwhelms me. I have dos and don’ts. I have boundaries. I have friends and enemies. I feel annoyed. I get angry when wronged, I feel pain when hurt, I seek to understand things that concern me when am unable to comprehend. I take charge of my life so well. I control what I do and what I don’t. I question everybody I think can help me unravel some hidden things. I respect authorities but I don’t fear human beings. I grumble and chant on broad daylight. You wrong me and I tell it to you on your face. I do not keep grudges, unless I really have to help me avoid you. I just don’t keep anybody as a friend; you must be valuable to me. I do all things that a normal human being does.
For as long as we are still on earth human beings are allowed to make mistakes and correct them later. I am no exception to this right. All Kenyans are allowed to express themselves, exactly what I do when I have to. Questioning is my way of expressing my anger and dissatisfaction. Lucky enough I argue out issues when I have facts. I will not shut my mouth until I understand why. I will not fear hurting people or being disliked and stay in the dark over issues I rightfully need to understand. That is not me. That is Lilian for you; take it or leave it.
Recently I said this and I repeat in case you missed it. “There is power, so much power between a pencil graphite and a paper; whatever I don’t do I speak about, whatever I don’t speak about I write about.” This still makes me human. Allow me do all things that normal human beings do. Let me live the life that other beings live without expecting so much from me. I make mistakes just like you. I miss out on the perfection mark just like you do. I get angry and complain less than you do. Let me be human. Let me love. Let me hate. Let me cry. Let me laugh. You need not stay close to me if you feel the I that you have to encounter is not what you want. I allow you to walk away and let me be. I am not planning to change so I can please you. No, not any time soon.
I am only human.